Okay, today I'm going to set aside my dilemma in school and talk about my crappy single life. I know - sounds like a snoozefest.

Here's the thing : What is the ultimate sacrifice that a person can give to a person he loves?

I've come to the realisation of this answer many years ago. Through the amalagation of experiences (mine or friends'), mushy love tunes in addtion to fortune cookies, etc. It's a messy concoction - I know.

The answer is, (don't hold your breath) is letting GO. It's hard isn't it? Especially when you're completely inspid at flirting, charming and dating. You're otherwise known as the affable but pitiful 'Hopeless Romantic'.

Your life my friend, sucks like a sponge. Oh GAWD you look painfully ordinary...while girls are melting over dreamy idols and guys drooling over gorgeous pin up dolls - life is unfair. Has been for the longest of time. Get in line if you want to beat the shit out of life. (you realise the irony don't you?).

Hey, keep your chin up. Because I know, even if no one is interested - doesn't mean that life is over. Well - not yet, look out for the horsemen. In my entire life I've had misses all around. Not once on the targetboard. It hurts to admit it too. Fortunately I'm numb to the pain (guffaws...no I'm not. Get off my case!).

If you are that 'Hopeless Romantic', you have a friend in me. And sometimes you realise that love extends to friendship and this is something that you can't let go. Trust me.

Your Friend
Hisyam

I'm so sorry. I don't know whether I can contribute to my team anymore. I feel scared. I went to see the doctor on Monday and he diagnosed me with depression. I wished he had prescribed me those anti-depressants. I think I could've used them.

I don't know how my mental faculties have managed to slide into such pathetic cowardice. It's just a project. I know that but somehow I am losing my mind. I am afraid of today because at 8 I shall have to go to school again. I have to resume work. But inside I am deathly afraid. Of what exactly - I am uncertain.

I need counselling. But I do not have time for this. I have to pick up where I left off and continue the project. If I do become insane or unstable I hope it doesn't affect my family or friends. Perhaps I will cease to think normally. Hopefully this entry will remind me that I once had logic and sense.

There's only 2 weeks left, please...do not unravel until the project is over. It's 4am I should go to sleep. Maybe I should eat my sleeping pills.

Breath Of Fresh Air

I'm having a rought time with my final year project. I feel the same ammount of pressure I had years ago when I knew I was going to do badly for my A Levels exam. I'm not sure whether I can manage to finish this project without cracking up. It's immensely difficult to do something when you have a past that hangs over you like a deadweight.


Have you ever had a whiff of air after it rains? I wish I could keep it with me forever because it helps calm me even in the most dire of situations. Nothing beats that sort of freshness. Well...hahaha I may change my mind in the future.